The fairy lights cascading above us made the moment feel like a scene from a movie. The soft glow bathed us in a warm, romantic light as we both watching over the waves rolling in to meet the shore.
Bali night air felt colder than it supposed to, maybe because of the tight revealing clothes I wore, or maybe it was because I couldn’t feel the warmth of being around the people I love like I used to.
Gemma and I stood in silence, looking at the broad of horizon, hearing the back sound of the disc jockey Chris and Caroline hired for the dinner, while our eyes looking at the black view from where we were standing, with a little bit of lights over there.
The night was beautiful, almost painfully so. The soft rustling of the palm trees, the faint scent of frangipani in the air, and the gentle lapping of the ocean should have been comforting, but instead, it felt like it mocked on how messy I was. Not knowing what I wanted, but at the same time, unwilling to let go of everything.
“Hey,” he said softly as he approached me. I opened my eyes and turned to face him, showing a faint smile on my red lips.
“Hey,” I replied, my voice barely audible above the gentle lapping of the waves.
“Can we talk?” he asked.
I nodded, and we walked a little away from the crowd, finding a quiet spot by the edge of the pool where the view of the ocean was even more mesmerizing. The moonlight cast a silver glow over everything, creating an almost magical atmosphere.
“I’ve missed you,” he began, his voice sincere and earnest. “I know things have been difficult lately, and we haven’t had much time alone. But I want to know what’s going on with us.”
I sighed, looking down at the water before meeting his gaze. “I’ve missed you too. It’s just… I feel like we’re drifting apart.”
“I feel the same way. And I think part of it is that we’ve both been so busy and caught up in everything else, but us.”
“You mean, you’ve been busy with yourself. Because as much as I remember, I tried.” He paused. I tried to be there for you, to always support you, to make time for us. But it felt like I was the only one trying.”
Tears welled up in my eyes as I listened to his words. I knew I couldn’t have both of the things I wanted at the moment. Certainly, my priorities had changed, and work had taken the forefront.
I don’t want to lose him, but I’m losing him already.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I’ve been so wrapped up in my own world — in my work, that I’ve let us slip away.”
He looked at me, the pain in his eyes mirroring my own. “I know you didn’t mean to,” he said softly. “But it still hurts. I’ve felt like I’ve been losing you, bit by bit, and I didn’t know how to stop it.”
I felt a lump form in my throat, the weight of my choices pressing down on me. “I wish I had seen it sooner. I thought I was doing the right thing, focusing on my career, but I didn’t realize how much it was costing us.”
“I never minded the time you spent working. You have your own dreams, I got it. I understand,” he began. “But it was never about that, La. It’s about how I didn’t see any of your efforts to be here. I felt like you were avoiding me, like you didn’t want me around.”
“I know you didn’t mean to. But it felt like I was losing you piece by piece, and I didn’t know how to reach you. I felt like I was standing on the outside, looking in on your life, and there was no room for me.” He sighed, running a hand through his hair.
His words hit me like a punch to the gut.
“It’s not too late. We can still fix this, but I need to know that you want this as much as I do.”
